The 80's: So bad it was AWESOME!

Now, puny readers, as you embark on this long, winding road to awesome-enlightenment, you are going to need to hyper-develop your cool-o-meter so that you may swiftly disambiguate the lame from the greatness. For example: Prime Minister of Australia Julia Gillard is stupid and pointless; eating raw endangered condor eggs while paragliding to work through a hurricane every morning is AWESOME... and yes, that is how I start my day, what do you do? Eat cereal? In the kitchen? On a CHAIR?! LAME! How can you expect to walk in my awesome footsteps if you don't feast on the most endangered (and therefore most tasty) of breakfast based deliciousness while simultaneously engaged in extreme sport/work conveyance? You won't, you will just remain lame. It is getting toward morning tea time, so I suggest you start modelling some of my awesomeness and go and have a scone with cream and jam... eaten, of course, while bungy jumping off a 200m high bridge... with a shark/piranha/mongoose infested acid river below...

There is a unique awesome-logic paradox known as the 'Pug Effect' whereby something is SO bad that it becomes good. This is where differentiating the awesome grains of taste-tasticness from the chaff of dehydrating stoogary is somewhat more difficult. The 'Pug Effect' derives its name from the pug dog, an animal so ugly that it looks cool (see what I mean?). A prime example of this is the 1980's, a decade that contain so many bad things (fashion, music, Paul Keating) but somehow managed to be cool. The music is so annoying that it is catchy. The fashion is so deplorable that it is now the standard for work safety gear. But the thing that I miss so much from the 80's, the decade of my childhood, is the Transformers. No, I am not talking about the Michael Bay monstrosities that pervade our visual sensors now, bringing pain to my occipital lobe. No, I am talking about the Generation 1 Transformers, a true awesome classic...

Modern cartoons are just pointless lame like a penis faced hamburger. Where is the charm? The heart? The giant robots that can inexplicitly go from being enormous to the size of a cassette player? That is true awesomeness, a bright burning greatness that will burn for all time. And, by the way, Michael Bay is a douche, plain and simple. He is just so bad that he can NEVER BE COOL! If my Blackberry wasn't still down and if I could find some other way to remote activate my orbital laser grid, I would so deep-fry Bay right now...