Unleash the AWESOME!

Good morning/afternoon/evening to all of you stooges, lame-wads, trolls, trollettes, towelettes and penis-faced hamburgers, welcome to the GREATEST website that you have ever had the great fortune of uncovering. Whether you have discovered this site on your pilgrimage to find the one true Awesome, or if you simply mashed your face on the keyboard in a desperate attempt to find enjoyment, I welcome you all. Unleash the Awesome is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and I should know, as I invented both. Here, on my glorious blog of might and greatness, you will behold the Tree of Awesomeness, from which amazingly delicious fruits of knowledge and wit grow, ripe for picking and consumption at your leisure. PRODUCT DISCLOSURE: Too much awesomeness may lead to you becoming less lame; can you handle that, stooge? Well then, read on...

This blog is dedicated to all things awesome. I will use my mind tools to demonstrate to you all how to live a truly awesome life. I will help you break through the glass ceiling of pointlessness so that you might bath in the rich, invigorating sunshine glow of greatness. So take a deep breath, you pointless stooge, because we are about to UNLEASH THE AWESOME!


This blog has been officially sanctioned by the International League of Awesome


The first thing that you must learn, grasshopper, is that awesomeness is not just dispensed in convenient, fun-sized wrapper based confectionery enjoyment - oh no! - it is a brutal jar of magnificence tempered by the burning fires of splendour, stoked by a million dancing leprechauns as they sing their songs of infinite impressiveness! While many struggle with this glorious jar, like the pickle and jam jars before it, your run-of-the-mill common stooge will never be able to get a proper grip on it, never able to open it, destined never to feast on the sweet tastiness that resides within. The jar of awesomeness is no simple preserve conveyance and most certainly cannot be just ‘opened’, its contents casually released, potentially enjoyed on a slice of toast. That would be an affront to all things great! No, the jar of awesomeness must be claimed by the worthy and its contents UNLEASHED! You just don't 'have' awesome, you UNLEASH AWESOME!

Now go! Reflect on my gloriously nonsensical words and tremble before their confusion-inducing majesty. Meditate, reflect, enjoy a slice of toast and perhaps wear a novelty hat while doing so... Before you know it you too may be as AWESOME as me... well, that's a pretty big maybe...

Oh, and Matt is a penis-faced hamburger... oh what a whimsically original insult Scotty; kudos! You are truly an unleasher of AWESOME!